Wednesday, May 3, 2017

a total confession about sexual obsession.....

A  Total Confession to GOD—My Sexual Obsession // By Brother Tracy Gibson…
** I try so hard Lord, and yet, I fail every time. I am under the powers of my own sexual drive and sexual obsession. I am like a child in a candy store – sorry Joseph Beam for the cliché – I am like a child in the candy store even though I don’t cheat on my LOVer, my desires remain out of control as I watch hours of pornography, [I claim it relaxes me and allows me to move forward to do God’s work]  even though I destroyed 17 DVD’s of porn to try so hard to work against my sexual obsession for beautiful Black men, beautiful Native men and beautiful Latin-Black men.  I have failed myself and my Black People.
** Will you, GOD, will you forgive me? I see the beautiful feet and beautiful stomachs and beautiful faces and incredible sex organs you made by your hand Lord, and I am amazed at my own desires. They seem out of control, and yet, in some strange Way, perfect.
** I Am especially titillated by younger Black men, and I give total control of myself over to them. I am helpless, coy, timid and out of control, even though I put forth an African mask of total cool and total control. I give myself to them, through GOD. Yet, somehow, I must remain faithful to you, my friend.
**Sometimes I think there is a rapist inside me waiting to pounce out like a Black Panther. Sometimes I think there is a leopard inside me waiting to find PRAY.  Sometimes I think there is a ruthless tiger waiting to find refuge between the legs of yet another BLACK man .
** I have a place at Home where I put photos of my BLACK family, JESUS,  and Ancient Black ancestors – including God’s picture [JESUS] and they give me strength to make it another day as I PRAY for redemption, SALVATION, forgiveness, and resolve. I move forward with my activist work and I want to save this world made wretched, by ungodly forces. I don’t know if I will ever meet with success.
** I think of my mentors Nelson Mandela, Pastor Paul Washington, Reverend Jeremiah Wright, Reverend Jeff Haskins, Reverend Victoria, Reverend Brian Robinson, Cynthia McKinney, Betty Shabazz, Malcolm X, Martin Luther King Junior, Rosa Parks, Rosita Johnson, Joseph Beam, Joseph Bunch, Pam Africa, Ramona   Africa, Debbie Africa, Wanda, James Wright, Nebraska Bowman,  Blondell Reynolds Brown, Jessie Gibson, Charles Gibson, Bill Hill, Bill Peterson, Estelle Welch,  Aunt Helen / Aunt Maud, Aunt Helen Peterson - Thornton, Grandma Jessie Thornton, Uncle Ken Gibson, Uncle Lionel Gibson, My Grandfathers, Uncle Raymond Gibson, Uncle Lloyd Gibson, Aunt Ruby my many cousins. I ask forgiveness from you for all the men I have had while I was in search for LOVe, tenderness, intimacy, kindness, closeness,  kisses, soft touches, thrusting in LOVe’s last climax.
**  Taking off my obsession is like trying to take off my skin or unload my heart and still live. It is impossible. Good friend, please forgive my obsession for lust, closeness and intimacy. I want to make a family with you, but the children I want to raise with you will most likely never happen now that I’m 60 years ole. GOD says never give up on yourself. His / Her hand is the most tender of all and His / Her face is in the faces of babies, the laughter of ole men, the quiet falling of rain, waves crashing against the rocks, and in the eye on each dollar bill the government has ever produced or printed – He / She is totally and forever undefeated. He allows me to walk with Him / Her each day and I am forever thankful and grateful.

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